The Official Newsletter
of QFLEA.com
The Virtual Flea Market
Volume 8 - Number 8
April 28, 2007
Visit us at QFLEA.com
Subscribe to our newsletter
Click to join QFLEA-ShoppingNews
and be sure to share us with your friends and family.
Contact Us Anytime
Visit the QFLEA Blogs
Note: If you find our newsletter after the publication date, it is possible that not all the links will still be active.
|
Kids in Church A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am." After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, but I really want to stay with you guys." A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping." A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?" A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?" Visit Nancy at www.belovedembroidery.com. Attorney: What is your date of birth? Witness: July 18th. Attorney: What year? Witness: Every year. Attorney: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Attorney: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? Witness: Yes. Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory? Witness: I forget. Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? Attorney: How old is your son, the one living with you? Witness: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Attorney: How long has he lived with you? Witness: Forty-five years. Attorney: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? Witness: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Attorney: And why did that upset you? Witness: My name is Susan. Attorney: The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he? Witness: Uh, he's twenty Attorney: Were you present when your picture was taken? Witness: Would you repeat the question? Attorney: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? Witness: Yes. Attorney: And what were you doing at that time? Witness: Uh.... Attorney: She had three children, right? Witness: Yes. Attorney: How many were boys? Witness: None. Attorney: Were there any girls? Attorney: How was your first marriage terminated? Witness: By death. Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated? Attorney: Can you describe the individual? Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard. Attorney: Was this a male or a female? Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? Witness: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Attorney: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? Witness: No. Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure? Witness: No. Attorney: Did you check for breathing? Witness: No. Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? Witness: No. Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor? Witness: Because his brain on my desk in a jar. Attorney: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. |
Rockwell Plates Rockwell Plates - Give a Mother's Day plate to that Special Lady. Rockwell plates suitable for Moms and Grandmas alike. Quick shipping, priced right! EggCrazy.com Well, the tax man has come and gone. It's time to get crazy. EggCrazy! Need a gift, check us out. Ideal Impressions © Join us in our Spring Forward Sale!! Enjoy 20% OFF Select Gifts! Hurry, sale ends April 30th! Primitives by TreeceHand-mades & one-of-a-kind dolls, home decor and much more all in a blended style of Primitive, Folk Art and Rustic Country She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girl friend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ... And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!! courtesy of Pam from Sacred Garden Soap and Candles 
If your friends can accurately guess your age ... you need to find dumber friends. |