The Official Newsletter
of QFLEA.com
The Virtual Flea Market
Volume 9 - Number 11
July 21, 2008
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When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.'
Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: 'Take two aspirin' and 'Keep away from children.'
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet every afternoon at the bar. ... Drew Carey
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God ... I could be eating a slow learner. ... Lynda Montgomery
I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'' ... Richard Jeni 
A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.' That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' No response. So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again he gets no response. So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Ralph, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!' The August 23 edition of the newsletter will not be published. The next edition of our newsletter will be September 20. |
Serenquility Bath & Body Shoppe Summertime Soap Sale! Our Rustic Glycerin Soaps are now $3.50. Our regular soap bars are "Buy 2 get one free" now until Labor Day! Country Critters And MoreHand crafted country cloth dolls, bears, rabbits, chickens, wreaths and more. We also do wholesale orders. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to use the men's room. Law of Gravity - Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.(or if you just run out for milk, without makeup or doing your hair). Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. Law of the Theater - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine.' That was nice. |