The Official Newsletter
of QFLEA.com
The Virtual Flea Market
Volume 9 - Number 3
February 23, 2008
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A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife, so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said that he really needed to build his self-esteem. The psychiatrist gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read and finished on the way home on the commuter train that evening. Very much heartened and inspired by what he'd just read, the man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger right into her face, he exclaimed, "OK. Now listen up. From today forward, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is absolute law!" "I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me a hot bubble-bath so I can relax. And, when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?" And his wife coolly replied, "Well, I'd guess that'd be the funeral director." Morgan The Pirate Returns The bartender recognized the pirate the moment he limped in. "Hey, Morgan, long time no see! What happened, you look terrible!" "Arrrrgh, I don't know what you mean? I'm fine - really I am," grumbled Morgan. "But that wooden leg. You didn't have that before." "Oh, me Peg Leg," said the pirate, "Twas a fierce battle at sea and a cannon ball hit me right in my leg. But the Doc fixed me up, and I'm fine, really." "Well, what about that hook? The last time I saw you, you had both hands." "Aye", continued Morgan, 'twas another battle when we raided a frigate. Me poor hand was cut off, but the Doc fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really." "Oh," said the bartender, "but what about that eye ptch? You had both eyes when I last saw you." "Aye mate, we were at sea. I looked up at an albatross flying over the ship and it pooped in my eye." "You're kidding!" said the bartender, "You wouldn't have lost an eye just from some bird poop!" "Arrrrrrgh", Morgan growled, 'twas me first day with the hook." Visit Nancy at www.belovedembroidery.com. Since she was a little girl, Dawn Hossman, owner of Dawn's Jewels, has loved any kind of jewelry or fashion accessory. She remembers playing in her mother's jewelry box and putting brushes and other accessories in her little girl purses. Dawn's love for jewelry came back to life when she went to a local festival and there was a booth with nothing but $1 fashion jewelry. She had never seen anything like it ! She took her new purchaes and ideas home with her that day! She remembered the comments of the other shoppers there about how they were so excited to buy so much for such little money. She wants to pass this excitement on to others now! Since that day, Dawn has owned a booth at a local flea market, sat up at several outdoor flea markets and festivals, had in home jewelry parties, and now has branched out on the web. Her dream is to one day have an actual shop somewhere in the Virginia Beach, Va area. In the meantime, you can visit Dawn online at www.dawnsjewels.com. |
Home Decor and Accents We're remodeling our store making room for our new spring collection. To do this we have created a new section called CLEARANCE ITEMS. We have added over 380 items! All are discounted 25% to 70% while quantities last. We don't expect these to last! Ideal Impressions © Enjoy 30% OFF our already sale priced select gifts during our inventory blowout sale! Out with the old - in with the new! Beloved Embroidery Pyrography ... Bring nature's wildlife indoors with one of our wildlife pictures created with wood burning. The Carolina Weaver Hand woven baskets make lovely gifts for wedding showers, birthdays and Mother's Day! Casserole Baskets, Wine Baskets and Tote Baskets would be appreciated by many. Browse our selection today. Victorian Cards Looking for a special Easter greeting card? Take a look at Victorian Cards (www.victorian-cards.com) for handmade greeting cards designed with antique postcards from the early 1900s. Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He immediately sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered Edna to be discharged from the hospital, because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged! Because you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping into the pool and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your actions confirm a sound mind. "The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. Can I go home now?" The dentist had evening hours on two days of the week. Late one night, a man walks into a dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me, can you help me? I think I'm a moth." Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist." Man: "Yes, I know." Dentist: "So why did you come in here?" Man: "Well, the light was on." Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry and told him: "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then six seconds!" The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and found a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, she ran out to the driveway, and opened the box and found a brand new bathroom scale. Ed has been missing since Friday. |