The Official Newsletter
of QFLEA.com
The Virtual Flea Market
Volume 7 - Number 13
September 2, 2006
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The Duck Story A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure"? "Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied. "How can you be so sure"? She protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100 percent certifiably, a dead duck." Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$450!" she cried. "$450 just to tell me my duck is dead"? "The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the lab report and the cat scan, it's now $450." Visit Nancy at www.belovedembroidery.com. A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in his parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. "I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife and taken illegal drugs. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people." Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession." Moral: DON'T EVER BE LATE. 
There is still time to visit our back to school special page. QFLEA has some specials that you can check by clicking on the school bell above. |
Handmade Hair Sticks Discover jewlery for your hair! Hand crafted hair sticks in multiple designs and colors. Also featuring earrings, hat pins and cell phone charms. Morgan Mailboxes & More The largest site of handpainted mailboxes, wooden plaques, slates, address ovals, tavern signs. Order before Oct.15th in time for the holidays. Gift certificates also available. Mainely Twigs Need that perfect fall accent for your home or a great gift idea? We have it! Unique fall wreaths such as Bittersweet, Rustic Cone Wreath, Rosehip and more. Made fresh from fields of Northern Maine to your door. Almost Heaven Group - Saunas, Steamrooms, Hot Tubs Tylo brand all stainless Sauna Heaters from 2 kW up to 16 kW featuring the utmost in performance and durability. Joanne Dufault Greyt Inspirations: A small business with big ideas! You'll find much here; a large selection of greyt products for you and your pets. We specialize in designer and embroidered products for all your family members. Looking for something unique and top-quality at a competitive price? You won't be disappointed. All of our pet collars, leashes, harnesses, jingle-not collars and tag bags are designed and lovingly created by the owner. From the everyday, to that special occasion; we have it. Our pet beds and blankets are selected for their excellent quality, ultra-softness and durability. We recommend adding a touch of character to your pets collar with one of our collar charms. For you, we offer a greyt selection of embroidered denim shirts, golf shirts and polar-fleece blankets. Choose from the many pre-embroidered items or place an order for a design of your own choosing. While here, browse through our selection of zipper pulls and charms. Check out all these products and so much more at our Greyt Inspirations website. Custom and wholesale orders are welcome. Personalize yours today! Visit Joanne at Greyt Inspirations. Plutos's Concession Speech Just before coming down to speak with you, I called Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Saturn, Jupiter, Neptune and Uranus to congratulate their success today. As I see it, our campaign has only finished the first half with Classical Planet team is ahead, but in the second half, our team -- Team Pluto -- will be victorious. I am disappointed by the results, but not discouraged. I am not disappointed because I lost my planetary status, but because the old politics of scholarship and intellectual integrity won today. I expect my opponents will continue to do in the future what they have done today: belittle me instead of coming up with ideas to avoid having to rewrite science textbooks. I continue to offer astronomers a different path forward to make my solar system and orbit a better place to live and work, and that's what I want to do for another six million more years. I know many people in this system, and not just "classical planets", don't like direction in which the solar system is moving. Tomorrow morning, our campaign will file the necessary petition with the International Astronomical Union so that we can continue this campaign for a new astronomy of unity and purpose. I will always do what is right for my orbit and Solar system regardless of what the political consequences may be. Tomorrow is a brand new day and we launch a new campaign -- Team Pluto -- Asteroids, non-conforming celestial objects and space debris. |